Mattel Is Releasing a Barbie Who Hasn’t Even Picked a Major Yet

For decades, Barbie dolls have been representative of our society’s most unattainable and outrageous standards for female beauty, independence and freedom in the workplace. But, in recent years we have seen leaders in the toy industry respond increasingly well to public demand for toys that are more inclusive. Well strap in, because Mattel recently announced that they are releasing a Barbie who hasn’t even decided on a major yet. The doll without a college major, aptly called “Undecided Barbie” is a sophomore at Illinois State University. She has completed courses in History, English, Astronomy, and Economics, but still remains undecided. She comes with a backpack, a small textbook on Mayan civilizations, and an easel, paintbrushes, and other very expensive materials required for Landscape Painting 101. A spokesperson for Mattel said that this Barbie is just the first in a series of dolls the company plans to release. Among them is a Barbie who is fine, but kind of a chore to be around, and a Barbie who just canceled on plans and is going to stay in for the night. “Most of the Barbie dolls we have produced up until now have been modeled after aspirational figures who could be heroes for children,” says the spokesman. “But that, frankly, is not realistic. Most people don’t grow up to be the heroes they admired in their youth. Most people can barely decide what to order at a restaurant, much less a career .” “Take me for example,” the spokeswoman continued. “If most of us can only just squeak by, Barbie shouldn’t have to have her shit together, either.” Motivated by the immensely positive reaction to this new doll, Mattel has decided to re-release past Barbies with aspirational careers, but also making it apparent that they are pretty mediocre within their field. For example, the new Veterinarian Barbie comes with a stained lab coat and her hair is, well... it’s not great. The dolls positive reception is a win for everyone who hasn’t felt adequately represented by the famous dolls in the past. And as for Barbie, it’s probably the only real big win she’ll have for at least another year when she moves out of a toxic living situation and can focus a little more on her Existential Philosophy class.

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