Woman in Olive Green Beanie Absolutely Fucks

In a confusing but startlingly accurate story out of Reading, PA, it has been reported that local olive-green beanie wearer Leslie Rhodes absolutely, one-hundred percent fucks. “Yeah I’m not sure what exactly it is about the hat that is giving off that air,” said Warren Reed, Leslie’s friend. “But it’s evident: Leslie is a girl who gets it in.” Several witnesses to Leslie’s sartorial sex vibes are on the same page. “Not a chance in hell that that woman doesn’t get whatever kind of strange she wants on a regular basis,” said Leslie’s mechanic Kyle Dunne. “Especially with the jean jacket combo.” “Oh for sure, a hat like that? That’s someone who’s getting the business whenever she wants,” said Rachel Luna, Leslie’s yoga instructor. “I’d probably be down, to be frank.” Even family members reluctantly report that Leslie is indeed giving off serious sex goddess energy while she’s wearing that almost-hunter-green-but-definitely-closer-to-an-olive skullcap. “I hate to think about my own granddaughter this way, but I just know in my heart of hearts that my little Leslie is a certified maneater,” said Elaine Rhodes. “Or womaneater, if that’s what she prefers. I support her either way!” “I just pray she’s being safe out there while she’s swimming in the sex pool,” Elaine added. For Leslie, this is all a little much. “This is such a basic outfit. It’s literally just a black-and-white striped shirt and black jeans with a grey denim jacket and my comfy green beanie,” said Leslie, describing the outfit of someone who clearly gets it in. “Now I’m some kind of sex idol? I don’t get it.” “Maybe I should start wearing my mustard-colored one to shake whatever vibe I’m putting out,” she added. Sources confirm that a mustard-colored beanie might make her sexual prowess even more obvious to the general public.

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