After a long day of work, Elizabeth Argelle loves to relax by smoking a nice, fat doobie. However, on Tuesday, she mistakenly did this before her evening shower, and as a result, she pretty much just lives there now. Upon entering the shower, after an exaggerated “Woahhhh,” Elizabeth immediately realized that she was trapped. The combination of warm, luxurious water and that sweet, stinky weed was just too powerful of a combination. “This shower,” says Elizabeth. “It’s like, just so nice and good…you know?” Eyewitness reports say that before making her decision to live inside the shower for good, Elizabeth spent her time reading the back of one body wash bottle, watching the little water droplets race down the length of her arm, testing out the acoustics of the bathroom, and contemplating her very existence. It was around what Elizabeth remembers as hour two, which had in fact been 9 minutes, that Elizabeth realized there was no choice but to permanently move into the shower. “I’ve never known true comfort until this moment,” she says, “also farts sound extra funny in here.” In a move that defies what we know to be possible, Elizabeth has since filed for an official address change by writing an application in the condensation on the glass door. Only time will tell if her request for “420 Shower Road JusBlazeithahah” gets approved. Elizabeth’s roommates are baffled by the move. “We don’t even have one of those good, rain showerheads,” says Izzy Weiss. “It’s just, you know, a normal one. With a limited amount of hot water, by the way.” In an attempt to coax her out of her new, watery home, they have ordered Taco Bell and put on the movie Annihilation. “Ideally we’ll get her out before work tomorrow,” says another member of the rescue team, roommate Amari Morris. “I don’t want to wash my pits in the kitchen sink.” Elizabeth has given no thought to how she will eat, work, or survive, citing, “This water heals all, my dude.” Despite her rapidly pruning hands, Elizabeth is in a state of eternal bliss and says she will happily make this shower her final resting place. She has absolutely no idea that her high is about to wear off in about fifteen minutes.
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