In a valiant attempt to uncover the answer to a question that has been evading those in and outside the scientific community for years, a research team from Tulane University is in the process of a study to finally determine who is taking all these pictures of Emily. “If you take a look at Emily’s Instagram, you’ll see an endless stream of gorgeous solo photographs,” says Dr. Willa Kang. “You’ve got laughing pics, bikini pics, outfit pics in front of various interesting walls, even intimate bedroom portraits with a nuance of perspective that instantly rules out self-timer.” “What, why, where, and how are words that flash through the scientist’s brain,” says Dr. Kang. “But ‘who’ is the question that sticks. Who is taking these pictures of Emily? We had to find out.” The research process thus far has consisted of lengthy speculative conversations about Emily’s Instagram that sometimes veer toward judgmental but generally remain in the bewildered and somewhat jealous domain. “At first we thought Emily surely must have a photographer boyfriend,” says Dr. Kang. “But then it was revealed that Hudson does something with computers. Then we hypothesized that Hudson is bi since no straight non-photographer/film bro is capable of taking perfect, full body pictures of his girlfriend. But that proved incorrect as well.” At this point in time, the study is at something of a standstill. “Frankly, we need more funding if we’re going to continue this research with the level of attention and commitment it deserves,” says Dr. Kang. “Every day without an answer is a sleepless night to come for me and my team. And Emily just posted a picture of herself fucking sleeping. Who took this Emily?!” For now, all that’s left to do is pray this team doesn’t lose hope and gets to the bottom of the question at the heart of their important work. “Maybe we should just ask her?” says Dr. Kang. “Ugh, but no. That would be sort of invasive.”
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