Hey, sorry I didn’t respond to your text! I mean to respond to you sooner, but I get completely paralyzed by performing simple tasks, like responding to you on a consistent basis. I feel really bad, because I totally saw your text! I’ve actually barely looked up from my phone since the day I was born, when I grabbed my mom’s Nokia as I slid out of the womb. The real reason I didn’t answer is that I get overwhelmed at the thought of completing a brief task that should be effortless, but actually makes me want to hide my phone in the pantry. Sorry!!! I suck. But if I’m being honest: I’m not even bad at texting. I’m great at it. When I get around to replying, I know exactly what to say! But when it comes to actually completing a simple but important task, like reading emails, taking the trash out, scheduling a doctor’s appointment, throwing out trash, or deciding what I want for lunch, I have a major internal breakdown. Eek! But please don't hate me! I’m the worst!! You might think I got overwhelmed because I didn’t have time to answer your text. But I actually always have time, even when I’m at work. My day job has essentially become a place where I just get paid by the hour to check my phone. So I’m sorry I didn't respond! I just get overwhelmed by the minimal effort it would require to type absolutely anything back, even a simple “BRB.” Ahhhh, I'm so sorry!!! Drinks soon? Oh, you already texted me about getting drinks? Sorry!!! I just got so stressed by you asking, “What’s up?” that I repeatedly hit my phone with the hammer that I always keep in my backpack in case people text me or I get otherwise stressed out. So I actually don’t even have a phone anymore. I’m typing this into iMessenger right now. Anyway, I hope you get this text! I’m sorry it’s like 10 texts long, but please respond immediately or I'll walk into a lake Virginia Woolf style because I assume that you hate me and my body will go into stress overload. Ack! Thanks! Hope things are going well with you, too!
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