'Black People Have Ridiculous Names,' Says Guy Who Worked for Newt Gingrich

With our current administration empowering people to be more open about their racially insensitive beliefs, 27-year-old Tim Larson recently felt brave enough to insist that black people have ridiculous names, despite having worked for a man named Newt Gingrich. “I just think the names that black people give their kids are absolutely absurd,” said Tim, who spent two years on the campaign trail with Newt. “How do they expect to be taken seriously?” Tim went on to further explain his opinion. “I can’t believe some of the outrageous names I’ve heard,” said Tim, who also interned at the Republican National Committee with Reince Priebus. “What kind of name is LaToya?” Tim’s girlfriend, Nautica-Lynn Van Hammersmith-Lockenheim, shared his sentiments. “I work in recruitment, and some of the names I’ve read on resumes are just bizarre,” said Nautica-Lynn. “I don’t think it’s racist to say that black people have silly names.” Some black people in Tim’s life, though, are understandably confused and upset at his assertion. “He worked for a guy who’s named after a salamander, but has something negative to say about black names,” said DeAndre Fig, Tim’s college classmate. “He has to be willfully ignoring the irony there.” “His girlfriend is named after a backpack, but he doesn’t see anything ‘absurd’ about that,” added Renee Thierry, who teaches Tim’s spin class. “So it seems like he’s pretty specifically focusing on black names being out of the ordinary, rather than his own limited worldview. It definitely makes him look a little racist.” But Tim is standing firm in his beliefs. “During my time working in politics, I met people with some pretty ludicrous names,” said Tim, referencing his employment with a man named Newt Gingrich. “It just so happens that all those people were black. There’s nothing racially insensitive about pointing that out.” “I’ve just never met a white person with a ridiculous name like that,” he added.

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