Okay! Uncle Says You’ve ‘Got a Good Silhouette’

In a piece of news making the rounds for its implacably disturbing nature, your uncle recently said you’ve “got a good silhouette”. The startling proclamation came without close to sufficient context during an extended family Zoom call. “I seriously don’t know what that means, and I definitely did not ask,” you say. “It’s vague and confusing enough to not be blatantly inappropriate, yet still incredibly creepy.” “In the past, Uncle Rob has told me that I reminded him of his college girlfriend and that I could marry rich if I really wanted to,” you add. “But this might be his magnum opus of unnerving, unsolicited comments.” It’s amazing that Uncle Rob has innovated new ways to negatively impact you from afar with discombobulating remarks that will leave you saying, “Sure!” “It’s just such a weird word to employ if you’re not referring to a figure in a window or a Victorian portrait,” you say. “I’m only Zooming with him from the chin-up from now on.” “Of course I don’t believe it was innocent, but I just don’t even want to go there,” you add. “Maybe he meant ‘profile’. That’s better, right? Less bodily?” When reached for comment, Uncle Rob had no memory of making the remark, but he extended an invitation for you and your friends to come use his hot tub. Okay!!

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