Wow! These Politicians Are Dunking On Republicans Instead of Proposing Substantive Reform

Political analysts have recently identified an intriguing new strategy among Democratic politicians: using their massive platforms to dunk on their Republican opponents, rather than propose any kind of substantive policy reform. Talk about using your power for good…dunks! Established Dems like Joe Biden, Nancy Pelosi, and Hillary Clinton have embraced such strategies as “clapping back,” subtweeting the President of the United States, claiming to not be surprised by horrifying decisions that will ruin people’s lives, ending vague, obvious statements with the word “period,” and writing “we’re better than this” without specifying how or why. Mitch McConnell is absolutely shaking in his boots – we’re sure of it! “One new tactic we’re really excited about is ironically criticizing the Republican establishment’s handling of the COVID-19 response,” explained a liberal campaign strategist who wished to remain anonymous. “No, we are not currently planning to elaborate how we would have handled it differently. Why do you ask?” Experts believe that these increasingly frequent dunks are an attempt to capture the energy of popular and youth-friendly candidates like Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez and Bernie Sanders. However, college students we spoke to maintained that AOC’s statements resonated less because they were sick burns, and more because they contained clear and popular plans that had the potential to directly improve their lives. “It seems like making fun of someone’s weight, even if it is Donald Trump’s, might not be the best way to retain the moral high ground,” said one 20-year-old, pre-med student, referring to House Speaker Nancy Pelosi’s recent CNN interview. “But I guess I have to vote for Joe Biden no matter what. Yay.” Keep that momentum going, folks! Research shows that the established Democrats’ current approach polls well with constituents who will vote a straight Democratic ticket no matter what, people who post seven political cartoons on Facebook a day, one else. 2020, here we come! But those worried about the upcoming elections should rest easy. The Democrats aren’t all talk; they have plenty of legislature up their tricky little sleeves. While many constituents are currently hoping for an overhaul of the police system, healthcare reforms, and aggressive climate change policies, the Democrats in the House are rumored to be unveiling a “Haha the CLOWN in the White House sure has weird hair lol” bill within the next few weeks.

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