Mom Who Makes Everything Religious Wishes You Didn’t Make Everything so Political

Starting to get fed up with how often you associate current events and practically all facets of life with their political roots, your mother, a devout Christian, is now questioning why you have to make everything so political even though she credits all events and stories as God’s doing. “I just don’t get why you have to make everything about politics? Some things just are!” she added moments after praising today’s comfortable 74-degree weather as a part of God’s plan for us all. According to her, not every single little thing has to do with our government or history, but every single little thing about this entire life is the result of some divine act. Amen! “Some things are just good and universal, like the very universe He made for us!”, she elaborated, hoping that would convince you to appreciate this bleak existence just a tad more. And naturally, the worst is when you highlight problematic celebrities she loves to watch when it’s her time to just unwind apolitically. Ugh, just let her watch Ellen in privileged peace! She didn’t even remember Ellen is friends with George W. Bush! In a year when many in our nation are experiencing social unrest and are particularly focused on police brutality and calling for legislation and reform, she is especially stumped. According to her, not every case of police killing an innocent Black person is about race! “Maybe some, but not all cops are bad. Regardless, I am praying for those business owners harmed by the riots,” she added. At press time, your mother was found scrolling through FaceBook despite your rant on how the social networking site with fluctuating advertising policies has become a political weapon, but she didn’t mind because Linda from Bible Study just shared the most hilarious Jesus meme. Could be worse. She could be using her religion to inform her politics. Oh, wait.

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