‘Vaccines Just Aren’t Natural,’ Says Woman Who Owns Two French Bulldogs

In a developing story out of Los Angeles, 31-year-old Hannah Devries-McIntosh has continued to insist that she is skeptical of vaccines because of their unnatural properties, despite owning two pedigree French bulldogs. “Everyone is entitled to their own opinion. Mine just happens to be that vaccines aren’t natural and that I don’t want unnatural things around my family,” said Hannah, who is a dog mom to two miracles of science. “There’s nothing wrong with that.” Hannah, who paid $5000 each for her two canine genetic abominations, went on to explain her perspective. “I’ve read that there’s mercury and lead in vaccines,” said Hannah. “I don’t want those kinds of chemical being pumped into my kids. To me, any mother who would want that is insane, but I guess I’m just kind of crunchy like that.” “I even refused a scheduled Caesarean,” added Hannah, whose dogs were born that way because their heads have been bred too big to fit safely down the birth canal. “Just doesn’t seem healthy or normal to me!” Friends of Hannah are unsurprised by her hypocrisy. “She’ll order an açai bowl and then head to a city council meeting to complain about how the school lunches should be locally sourced,” said Claire Watson. “Her logic is unsound, it’s always been like that.” “Hannah just kind of...picks up an opinion and leans into it,” said Jennifer Dooley. “She doesn’t really consider whether it contradicts other aspects of her life. Like, I know for a fact her kids are vaccinated. ” “What I don’t know is how her dogs are still alive, they seem like they really struggle to breathe,” she added. As for Hannah, she’s sticking to her guns. “I stand for what I believe in, and I won’t be ashamed of that,” she said, petting her two inbred, painfully brachiocephalic pups. “And what I believe in is a natural life for all God’s creatures.”

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