Woman Sent Nudes So Tasteful They Won ‘The Great British Baking Show’

In a surprising development out of Portland, ME, 27-year-old Ruby Gallagher sent nudes so tasteful they won an entire season of The Great British Baking Show. “I mean, I knew they were a pretty good batch of nudes,” says Ruby. “I put a lot of work into them, a lot of art direction. But still, The Great British Baking Show?”   Ever humble, Ruby claims she never saw the well-earned reward coming. “I definitely didn’t anticipate this,” she says. “Largely because I’m not nor have I ever been a contestant on the show, there’s no presently airing season, and also it’s a nude.” So how did this unlikely victory come to be? “There are definitely still some gaps in my understanding of it,” Ruby admits. “Basically, word got to Mary Berry that I had taken an incredibly tasteful nude — for reference, there’s a silk scarf involved in. The thing looks like a damn painting — and she had to see for herself.” “I sent it over to her, and with my permission, she shared it with Paul Hollywood and Prue Leith,” Ruby continues. “I thought they just wanted to see its glory and, you know, maybe masturbate to it, which was sort of the original intention of the photo, but before I knew it the photograph had taken home the grand prize.” “Which is actually nothing,” she adds. “Just a cake stand and some flowers. Honestly pretty underwhelming but it’s still nice to be recognized.” A spokesperson for the program confirmed that Ruby’s elegant nudie pic had indeed clinched the winning spot. “This nude was as sweet as strawberry preserves, as meticulously constructed as a perfect meringue, and as alluring as a fresh chocolate butter biscuit,” says Olivia Crawford. “I believe this particular victor will be a fan favorite for long to come.” And the original recipient of the photograph is just as enthusiastic. “Yeah,” says Chase Reeves, with whom Ruby has gone on two dates. “It was hot.”

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