According to a new report by the Washington-based Institute for Human Sexuality, Yukon Cornelius, star of the 1964 stop motion animated TV special, Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer, can definitively still get it. “It was actually a bit of an underreported phenomenon at the time of the special’s release that moms everywhere were discussing Yukon’s erotic appeal,” explains Melissa Griffen, who headed up the investigation. “Once we realized the scope of that, we had to ask ourselves, ‘Can he still get it?’” Cornelius, known for his burly, outdoorsman vibe, impeccably wavy mustache and signature red hat, is clearly a bit of a man’s man. “He exudes masculinity,” says one anonymous participant in the study. “Always hacking at the ice with that pickaxe with no signs of tiring. But it’s also the way he befriends the abominable snowman that proves he is able to totally fucking get it.” “It’s this mix of strong and sensitive that attracts both heterosexual and queer people to him,” explains Griffen. “When they see him talking about finding gold, many study participants are like ‘Okay. He’s hot. I’ll give him that.’ but when he starts referring to the abominable snowman as a ‘bumble’, they’re like, ‘Okayyyy. He has a softer side. This guy has nothing to prove and therefore can get it.’” In a survey of people who are attracted to men, 78% of participants were willing to bestow Cornelius with the designation of “zaddy,” while 84% agreed he was “thicc, in a good way.” A stunning 92% agreed that had they been present for the moment when Cornelius returns with the abominable snowman who places the star atop Santa’s Christmas tree, they would’ve pulled him into a back room of Santa’s workshop and “hit that shit hard.” Griffen is currently exploring an investigation into whether Rudolph himself can get it, but says so far the results are “not promising.”
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