Man Who Doesn’t Believe in Updating Centuries-Old, Failing Institution Updates Phone Software Once a Week

Paul Ansel doesn’t think anyone should be messing with the “solid system” of capitalism, despite the ways it seems to have damaged people and habitats the world over. Paul believes you can’t mess with tradition, even though he meticulously checks for iPhone software updates at least once a week. Wow! “The phone just works better that way,” says Paul. “They come out with updates that help things run more quickly and with fewer glitches that can really affect people’s daily life.” Yet, somehow Paul believes that our country’s constitution is perfect as is and that everything should stay in the spirit of what “our forefathers intended.” The man who laughed and said, “Okay, Grandpa!” when his friend didn’t know how to get rid of notifications, still thinks a system authored by and for land-owning white men is still a perfect system for governing us all. “What are you, a communist?” says Paul to anyone who suggests we institute better social safety nets and try to undo some of the regulations and loopholes that allow the rich to continually get richer, amassing wealth that could easily cover the costs of the food and shelter that others lack, many times over. That’s some impressive cognitive dissonance! Yes, Paul remains firmly planted in the camp of “we need a smaller government” even though his government has been working hard to protect his white male interests all along. And no matter how much he doesn’t want to see things change from “the good old days,” he still somehow, always updates that iPhone. “You’d be stupid not to. That’s the beauty of technology – it’s always improving.”


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