‘Stop Attacking Me!’ Says Woman When Presented With Facts

In developing news out of New York, resident Nicole Marsden has repeatedly asked her friends to “stop attacking” her when they began presenting basic facts about her latest Instagram story, which complained of a protest outside of Central Park blocking her path to brunch on the sidewalk. The Instagram story in question read: “UGH! Protests every day! I just want to get to leave Central Park and get to brunch in peace, is that too much to ask for??” Reports indicate there are over 20 main entrances to Central Park. One of her peers, Anjali Gupta, messaged Nicole in an attempt to clarify her friend’s intentions. “I DM’d her and explained that her privilege as a wealthy white woman is likely what informs her opinion of the protests and that she should learn about why protests are integral to movements. But then she got really defensive even though I was trying my best to be nice,” Gupta recalled. “I would really appreciate it if you stopped attacking me and fucked right out of here with your stupid and rude opinions,” Nicole replied defensively. Another peer of Nicole’s, Layla Ngyuen, had a similar encounter. “I saw that Instagram story too. It was a little tone-deaf, and I know she thinks protests are pointless. So I shared a few Instagram posts that were helpful briefs on the history of protesting.” Despite Layla’s attempt at being gently helpful, Nicole did not take to it well. “I’m really tired of being hounded just because I don’t care about the protests or the movement. Like do you even get what it’s like to go on Instagram and be told that my posts about accessing Central Park comfortably are privileged? It’s hurtful. Also, fuck you.” said Nicole. At press time, Nicole was yelling at no one in particular about how protests spread the virus while eating her brunch on the sidewalk.

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